When you start making positive changes and improving yourself, you expect your friends to be excited and happy for you. No one expects a close friendship to become toxic freind, but unfortunately it happens. I can tell you firsthand that it is devastating when once close friendships break and burn during a period that should be exciting for you. Toxic friendships do not always mean that your best friend is actively sabotaging the Mean Girls style, they can happen when you just grew up and chose different paths. Read my 5 truths about personal growth and toxic friendships and see if something resonates with you.
Creating personal growth in your life will not go well with some friends
If you are transforming your life with positive changes, whether you are gaining confidence in yourself, losing weight, maybe starting a new career, you will lose friends. Period. People who do not feel comfortable with change will find it difficult to swallow your evolutionary life, perhaps because it reminds them that they are stagnant in life, or maybe they are not used to you standing for yourself. Perhaps all your friendship was based on the negative behaviors you kicked. Personal improvement will expose friends who don’t care about your best interests. Be prepared to lose friends, to do a lot of harm, and then to overcome it and feel happy. Losing friends may not seem that way, but it can be a blessing in disguise.
A toxic friend is not necessarily a bad person
The problem with toxic friends is that sometimes they don’t want to be toxic and they’re generally good people out of your shaky friendship. Perhaps they are simply terrified of change and fail to understand your new perspective. The most toxic friends present themselves in the form of people who do not support your successes, speak on your back or judge your goals. I’m talking about friends who make you feel drained, negative or down about you every time you see them. They are not bad, but that does not change the fact that they are toxic to your personal growth. Watch your friendships carefully and observe who is trying to get you back to your bad habits, who interrupts you when you share something you’re proud of, who tells you you’re not a good friend because you’re not putting all your attention on them. Those are the kind of people you don’t need.
The end of friendship does not have to be dramatic.
I can look at my former group of friends with love and respect for the time we spent together, but at the same time knowing that they are toxic to my improved self. I don’t spend time gossiping, but I used to do it with them. I don’t like having superficial superficial conversations all the time, but I used to do it with them. I don’t spend my time complaining about the present while remembering the past, but I used to do it with them. I chose to be positive, work for the future instead of being stuck in the past and stop making fun of people because it made me feel better about myself, and unfortunately this caused some embarrassment and distance in friendship. People move away and choose different paths, and my path has had no room for their negative energy. I am not saying to exclude friends who are not in agreement with you all the time or who have goals other than you, I am saying that it is important to have friends who are authentic. The end of a friendship does not have to be a big, dramatic battle. You could try to discuss how you feel with them if you are interested in saving friendship; maybe they don’t realize how they are influencing you and can change their attitude. If this is not the case, you have two options: you can say directly that you need space, or slowly stop going out with them. Leaving it on a good note leaves room for reconnection if you feel it could grow in the future.
Leaving toxic friendships will free up your energy and time to devote to supporting relationships
Here’s the tricky part: even if they don’t intend to be toxic, and they’re generally good people, they’re still toxic and you have to move on. Leaving a friendship is as difficult as leaving a romantic relationship, especially if you love and still respect that friend. I had to do it, and it bothered me for the best part of a year. I’ve always wondered the same things “because my best friends don’t understand me, why are they so taken by trivial and negative things”? I lost sleep, I cried, I screamed, but in the end I knew it was the best. Now, I just spend my time with people who celebrate me, support me and love me unconditionally, and who I celebrate, support and love. It’s an incredible feeling to be surrounded by people I know they just want the best for me. I am happier, more confident, more satisfied, more inspired! Great things come from dropping toxic friends.
Never hide your positive progress because a toxic friend is not happy for you
Toxic friends have the basic problems that lead them to act in a way that is not substantial to you, not to take them personally. It is an indicator that they are not happy with themselves or their lives, so it is not you who is them. Just because people aren’t happy with your incredible progress doesn’t mean you should hide it. Shine bright like a diamond, you have worked hard to manifest a change in your life, do not let some doubters diminish its success. Surround yourself with friends who are proud of you and urge you to do better.