Relationships: Can someone be emotionally unavailable even if they are in a relationship?

woman emotionally unavailable in a relatioship with a guy

It would be easy to believe that people who are emotionally unavailable are single and those who are not have a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it might just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for example.

Generally this will be something that is very black and white. However, while this may seem to be the case, this perspective would have very little to do with things actually.

An illusion

In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy inside; someone may be in a relationship but it does not mean that they are really in one. However, from the outside it can seem like they are in an intimate relationship.

Indeed, other people might often wonder how it would have been for them to have a relationship like this. These people will then believe that this person has this part of their managed life, and they will want to try the same thing.

Both ways

Moreover, someone like this might even believe that he has an intimate relationship. Therefore, every part of their being will not be involved, but they will continue to see themselves as someone in a relationship.

Then they will share their mind and body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being will not be completely on a table. This does not mean that they will not hear things, though.


Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and their heart can spend a lot of time somewhere else; this is unless their heart has simply withdrawn. Now this will not be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that it will generally be difficult to be fully present with your partner.

If their partner has no difficulty in being present, they may be able to perceive that one is rarely, if ever, present. They may not be able to understand what is happening, but they will find it difficult to connect deeply with them.

The clearest sign

If this is the way someone is most of the time, it will be clear enough that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner should not need more information to realize that something is not right.

However, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it may take a while before they become aware of it. And even if this happens, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they have played in being attracted to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner.

It is not accidental

What follows is that they would not accidentally find themselves with this person. This does not mean that they have consciously chosen to end up with them; most likely it was something that took place unconsciously.

One way to consider this would be to say that they were attracted to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is happening and are not trapped in their inner wounds.

Return to the main point

If someone is rarely present, it will be clear that something is not right, and there may be other things that also reveal that they are not ready have an intimate relationship. Through a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner at a deeper level.

This can therefore cause a very superficial relationship and, therefore, lack the necessary depth to allow the development of a deeper connection. As a result, the relationship may not progress.

Avoid conflicts

Once the initial spark has become extinct and the sexual side has stabilized, there may not be much to keep the relationship together. But if their partner were to talk about this, they could reject what they say.

One other thing they could do is leave if something like this is raised, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further indication that they are just trying to get their feet wet, so to speak.

An obvious one

If you were to constantly talk about your ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, you are likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their current relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex.

It could go even further, and actually you could still share your body with your ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit.


Obviously, the only way someone can change their behavior is that they are aware of what is happening and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and willing to do anything about it, it may be in their best interest to leave.

If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a more in-depth look at what is happening to them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be necessary here.

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