Feeling lonely and sad: why this feeling and what to do?

woman Feeling lonely sitting on floor near window

In a hyperconnected society, loneliness might seem inconceivable. And yet it is one of the most common ills in the modern world. Indeed, even if the internet abolishes borders, connects countries and continents, brings us closer to each other and facilitates international trade, we have never been so numerous to suffer from isolation. A recent study has also shown that almost 43% of older adults felt lonely and have almost no relationship with others outside of their virtual friends. It is therefore obvious, having several million fans on Instagram or tweeting and thousands of friends on Facebook, does not prevent feeling lonely and sad . The point on this evil of living! 

Loneliness in a few words

From the Latin word “solus”, solitude is defined as the transient or lasting state of mind of a single person. In other words, who is not involved in any social relationship. In a wider field, solitude designates both being alone and the feeling that accompanies it. Most often sadness. Reason why, loneliness is often linked to the state of depression and lack. In fact, even if sometimes, the individual can intentionally choose solitude to get away from interpersonal problems. Or to find oneself with himself. Most often, this is a suffered condition. As much due to a lack of social interaction as an impression of isolation or a feeling of incompleteness.

Besides, you should know that loneliness can be felt anytime and anywhere. So, alone, in pairs, in a group or in the midst of an anonymous crowd, you can feel alone and sad . Many people even say that we never experience loneliness as much as in the company of others. In this regard Frédéric Beigbeder had written in L’Amour dur trois ans “The mundane are loners lost in an abundance of fuzzy knowledge”.

Obviously, it must be understood that the fact of feeling alone and sad is in no way a neurotic anomaly. According to psychologists, the feeling of loneliness is an integral part of the human condition . Indeed, from birth to death, each individual is basically alone. Alone to feel, alone to reflect or even alone to suffer. Feeling alone and sad without others as much as with them can therefore be defined as this felt experience of being with yourself. 

Feeling alone and sad: where does this feeling come from?

Did you know that the human body is made up of over ten trillion cells and almost 500 different species of bacteria in the intestinal flora? And that’s not all ! We are surrounded by thousands of plants, domestic animals, insects, neighbors …
And yet we still feel alone. So how is it possible to feel alone and sad when we are surrounded by so many living beings? Well, be aware that loneliness has several components.

First of all, it occurs when the individual experiences the feeling of physical absence. Indeed, the human being is a social being whose fulfillment is conditioned by life with his pairs. Feeling lonely and sad is therefore associated with a lack of companionship and a lack of interaction with a real person. Then, loneliness also comes from the unmet expectation that the individual has of the person who is supposed to consider him, share his emotions, his thoughts and his misfortunes. Said narcissistic wound then enters the crosshairs. Besides, beyond solitude, this dissatisfaction often forces him to ask himself many questions concerning his relationship with the other. Why i feel misunderstood? Why do I have a feeling of emptiness when I have someone by my side? How do you feel someone’s love? … These questions come up again and again!

Finally, any event can also become a cause of loneliness, if the brain interprets it thus. In fact, regardless of whether it is real or not, it will be the way in which the individual experiences the situation that will generate the state of loneliness and sadness .

So what to do when you feel alone? 

Feeling lonely and sad: the ways to better live solitude

“Loneliness is the aphrodisiac of the mind, like conversation that of the intelligence” said Emil Michel Cioran, Romanian philosopher poet and writer. However, when you look at it, nobody really likes to feel alone. Besides, the feeling of loneliness beyond feeling of emptiness, the wave of sadness and the heavy heart often generates very significant psychological and social ills. Indeed, feeling lonely and sad can be very heavy and very difficult to take on. Some people perceive it as an alert mechanism against abandonment and rejection by others. This explains why many people often wonder how to feel someone’s love and what to do when you feel alone. The key to this question is found in a number of attitudes and cultivation skills: 

Consider your needs

What to do when you feel alone? Well, in order not to feel lonely and sad, it is important to learn to prioritize your needs and your shortcomings. This is to better target its priorities. And therefore, to see more clearly in your expectations vis-à-vis you, but also others. To do this, we must identify the origins of this feeling of loneliness. Not only will this identification allow you to realize that loneliness exists, but also to implement the change you want.

Take care of yourself 

As you probably know, being alone and withdrawing into yourself is a risk factor for depression and lowered self-esteem . The more lonely an individual feels, the less value he or she will gain. To defuse this problematic situation, taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally is therefore essential. Not only for personal development, but also to boost self-confidence . All the more that by leaving your cocoon you give yourself the chance to meet beautiful people . Take care of your physical appearance, practice physical, sporting or artistic activities and above all favor small pleasures. 

Learn to be comfortable with yourself

Indeed, the art of being well with yourself is a major asset against loneliness. First of all, because by learning to live with loneliness, you play down your situation. Then, knowing how to be alone promotes self-knowledge and allows you to reconcile with yourself . Indeed, being able to fully experience moments of solitude without feeling lonely and sad is the path to self-acceptance . And as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it so well, “Being yourself in a world that is constantly trying to stop you is the greatest success. “

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