Is there a toxic person in your life?
Someone toxic hurts, and make suffer another person. he never acknowledges his wrongs, nor does he feel sorry for the actions he poses.
A toxic person makes emotional blackmail and is insensitive to his victim.
To get to his ends, he can despise, jealousy, demean, judge, harass, or manipulate his victim in any manner. he makes sure his victim quietly loses self-esteem and becomes his mouth-hole, in order to keep the hold on her.
The greatest fear of a toxic person is to lose the power it exerts on its victim. he does not wish to see her flourish and succeed in life. So he sabotages his efforts to lead a happy and productive life.
We can have a toxic relationship with a parent, a friend, a co-worker, a spouse or even our own children.
It is hard to believe that it is the people who are most dear to you, who abuse you.
The beginning of a toxic relationship
A toxic relationship almost always has as a basis a dysfunctional family that leads to an emotional dependence. During your childhood, you were taught that it was necessary to please to be loved. That you should forget yourself and do what your parents told you, without listening to your own needs. Very quickly, you understood as a child that if you want love, attention or just be seen from your parents (or a parent), you have to live up to their expectations.
This becomes with the time of emotional blackmail on the part of the parents. It’s like they’re telling you, I’m going to love you, if you act or you do what I tell you to do.
Over time, you grow and this dependency becomes stronger and more toxic.
You leave the family nest to get married and you realize after a few years that the woman or man you married is doing exactly the same emotional blackmail as your father or mother. That is, makes you believe that to have love, you have to accept to forget yourself and to let you denigrate.
Why am I staying in this relationship?
There is a good chance that if you stay in a toxic relationship, you live one or more of these states to be:
- You are afraid of being alone
- Afraid to feel abandoned.
- Afraid to take your place
- You lack the esteem of you
- You feel vulnerable
- You feel guilty
Why is it so difficult to get out of a toxic relationship?
Just because you are waiting.
You hope that maybe someday this person will give you some recognition, happiness or love. Just like when you were a child and you were desperately waiting for dad or mom to see you recognize and love you. That’s why it’s so hard to get out of a toxic relationship. It is your inner child who is still waiting.
To get out of this kind of relationship, you have to mourn your expectations, everything you have enjoyed receiving from this person. You have to accept that you never have what you expect from this person. It is also to accept that you can never change this person.
When you were a child, you needed your parents to meet your emotional needs. It is normal for a child to expect to receive the love of these parents. But as an adult, you have to realize that it is not the other person’s role to meet your needs. You can fill them up by yourself and thus become responsible for your happiness.
How to get out of it?
Nothing will change if you don’t do anything. In this case, it is wrong to say that time fixes things.
You have to take the time to find yourself. To find your identity, your essence and to trust you.
It is not always necessary to leave the toxic person permanently, especially if it is someone you really care about (e.g., a child, a parent). Sometimes getting away from it a few weeks or months or even years, can be beneficial. Time to regain strength, to think and to find oneself.
If for you the best decision is to cut the bridges definitively, then do it and know that it is not to be selfish to think of oneself.
Your Entourage (who is not aware of what you are living for most of the time) will probably tell you:
You just have a mother, a son, and so on. You should try harder.
These people don’t know how much you’re suffering inside. The decision to cut bridges is never easy. But from the moment you are well in your decision, what others think is not really important.
No relationship is worth continuing with emotional blackmail, for fear of abandonment.
Out of a toxic relationship, it’s not hurting the other. It is to open your eyes, open your heart and love yourself enough to no longer accept to live in this relationship.
A person who really loves you will leave you free to be yourself.
To love this is not to give and to forget is to give and share.