Gaslighting in Relationships, Since Donald Trump’s inauguration, the phrase has become so popular that it was declared one of the most popular terms of 2018 by the Oxford Dictionaries: gaslighting.
It hasn’t just entered our lexicon. It has become an integral element of our information gathering process. Anderson Cooper 360, Anderson Cooper’s nightly news roundup, features a unique series called “We’ll Leave the Gaslight On.”
The act of undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings is referred to as “to gaslight” in the vernacular. Targets of gaslighting are persuaded to rebel against their own intellect, feelings, and core self-identity.
When a wife informs her husband that he is avoiding child care obligations, he gaslights her by refusing to recognise that it is even occurring.
Gaslighting in Relationships, What causes us to become gaslighters?
For gaslighters like Dan, the method is a way to regain control of the relationship in the present moment, to end the fight, to relieve some anxiety, and to feel “in charge” once again. It’s a way for someone to avoid taking responsibility and tearing down someone else while still keeping the other person hooked.
People aren’t born gaslighters in the same way that introverts and extroverts aren’t born. A gaslighter is a social learning student. They see it, experience its effects, or come upon it and realise it is a powerful instrument. It’s a cognitive technique for self- and co-regulation. To tell you the truth, it works.
The gaslighter may be completely unaware that he is engaging in any kind of strategic or manipulative behaviour. He may lack self-awareness and mistakenly believe he is expressing himself directly, or he may be prone to unflinching honesty, telling it like it is.
How can you tell if you’re being gaslighted?
Take a look at the following list. If any of the items on the list ring true for you, you may be in a gaslighting relationship and need to investigate further.
- “Am I being overly sensitive?” you wonder.
- ” a number of times per day.
- In the relationship, you frequently feel befuddled and even insane.
- You’re constantly apologising.
- You’re baffled as to why you’re not happier.
- And You’re constantly making excuses for your partner’s actions.
- You’re aware that something is wrong, but you’re not sure what it is.
- To avoid snubs and reality shifts, you start lying.
- Simple decisions are difficult for you.
- You’re not sure if you’re up to the task.
While many of these symptoms might arise as a result of anxiety disorders, depression, or poor self-esteem, the difference with gaslighting is that another person or group is deliberately trying to persuade you to doubt what you already know to be true. You could be a victim of gaslighting if you don’t usually have these sentiments with other people but do with one person in particular.
Gaslighting in Relationships, What to do if you’re being gaslighted?
It’s excruciatingly difficult to break free from a gaslighting power dynamic like the one Janine was in. It is, however, possible. Greater emotional awareness and self-regulation — both the knowledge and the practise — are the cure to gaslighting.
1) Determine the issue.
The first step is to recognise the issue. Describe your relationship with your spouse, friend, family member, coworker, or employer.
2) Separate the truth from the lies.
Make a note of the talk in a notebook so you can look back on it objectively. Where is the discourse straying from truth and towards the perspective of the other person?
After you’ve finished reading the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of your experience being denied repeatedly.
3) Determine whether you and your partner are in a power struggle.
You might be getting gaslighted if you find yourself having the same conversation with someone over and over again and can’t seem to persuade them to acknowledge your point of view.
4) Do a mental exercise to help you shift your mindset.
imagine yourself without the relationship or continuing it at a much greater distance. Importantly, even if the vision causes you anxiety, try to see it in a positive light. Consider how you will feel in the future when you have your own reality, social support, and integrity.
5) Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings.
Accept and acknowledge that what you feel is okay. I recommend keeping note of your emotions. Consider using the Mood Meter app, which was created by Marc Brackett and myself at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. It’s a simple method to learn about your emotions and monitor your trends.
Read Also: How to Spot the Signs of Gaslighting?