If Envy and Jealousy Are Impacting Your Friendships! There’s a good possibility this has occurred to you: someone you care about receives wonderful news—perhaps they’re expecting a child or they’ve landed their ideal job. You’re truly glad for them, yet there’s a tinge of bitterness to your joy. “Man, I wish it were me,” or “Ugh, why do things always work out for them?” a tiny voice whispers. ”
To be honest, longing for what your loved one has while you genuinely want to support them is a bit unpleasant. And it’s difficult to know what to do when these feelings arise in our friendships. To begin, let’s dispel a common misconception: you might not be jealous at all.
So, if you’re having trouble coping with jealousy or envy and don’t know what to do, read the following advice on how to cope with your feelings.
If Envy and Jealousy Are Impacting Your Friendships
1. Admit your sentiments in the third person to yourself.
Don’t worry if the prospect of telling your buddy that you’re a little taken aback by their good fortune makes you nervous—you don’t have to. Telling oneself the truth, on the other hand, is a good idea. If you deny that you’re jealous or envious, the sentiments will grow, which is bad for you and your friendship. Rather, check-in with yourself and stay true to yourself.
2. Consider why you’re feeling the way you are.
At SELF, we routinely cover the wide range of emotions that you might experience when confronted with a certain situation. What is the reason behind this? Because even bad feelings aren’t taboo. When it comes to fury and wrath, Cicely Horsham-Brathwaite, Ph.D., counseling psychologist, and mindset coach, told SELF that your sentiments are a sort of information.
Your envy or jealousy is telling you something in this case: “More often than not, it’s a mirror on ourselves, and it doesn’t have to be a negative reflection,” Roberts argues. “It might just be reflecting how we feel about ourselves at the time, where we believe we are in life, and maybe where we should be,” says the author.
If you can put your judgment aside and become interested in your feelings, you can discover that you have wants and ambitions you didn’t realize you had. And maybe you can come up with a strategy to achieve what you desire.
3. Resist the desire to react negatively (don’t be a hater).
We often avoid confronting sentiments like envy and jealousy because we are scared that thinking about them would exacerbate the sentiments. When we push those sensations aside, though, we’re more prone to “act out,” as Roberts argues. She explains, “We start to conduct indirect and even passive-aggressive acts.”
When you’re feeling envious, it’s not uncommon to take a step back from a buddy, shift the subject if they share the good news, or even start an argument. Try to avoid the following behaviors: They have the potential to harm your friendship, and you are probably not happy about it.
4. Try meditation—it could help, believe it or not.
If your closest buddy recently bought a new house and you’re envious, meditation can seem like an odd suggestion. But it all comes back to the whole “feelings acknowledgment” issue. “[Meditation] entails being able to remain still in some of your thoughts and giving room for that self-compassion,” adds Roberts.
You can use a guided meditation or simply listen to your breath and try watching your thoughts as they pass. This may seem strange at first, but it will help you avoid the impulse to take your envious thoughts too seriously over time.
5. Keep in mind how important your friendship is to you.
It’s natural to be happy for your friend while wishing you were in the same situation. When confronted with opposing emotions, though, we have a propensity to prioritize one over the other. Instead, you might accept your envy and remind yourself how important your friendship is to you.
Reminding yourself of the excellent moments you’ve had together and the support you both give might help you stay focused on the essential things.
Read also: How to Stop Being Jealous? Read also: Why Envy May Actually Be a Good Thing For You?