When a relationship is just starting, couples tend to be inseparable. Lovers strive to spend all their free time together, and even the thought of the need to take a break from each other seems ridiculous and ridiculous. And what is surprising in this: the two just found each other among billions of people, they cannot get enough of each other, so the need to leave, even for a very short period of time, is confusing. But sooner or later, in any relationship, a moment of satiety comes, and now the sweet habits of the second half are brought to a white heat, topics of conversation seem to be exhausted, and the desire to be alone turns into an obsession.
WHY DO LOVERS WANT TO TAKE A BREAK FROM EACH OTHER
A relationship is a living organism that changes over time. These changes are not always pleasant, but, one way or another, they are always for the better. At first glance, the desire to rest from each other may seem frightening, but you should not rush to conclusions: the deterioration of relations is not always hidden behind it, often, when the first emotional outburst passes, people remember that there is still a whole world beyond the boundaries of the relationship. In addition, there are objective reasons for the desire to spend some time apart:
- Desire to maintain autonomy. At the start of a relationship, couples spend very little time apart of their own free will. They appear together at friends’ homes, in restaurants, go to the cinema, gym, park, even to the grocery store. At some point in the relationship of one or both partners, fear catches up there and remain forever a part of “we”, dissolving their individuality. A person grows and develops his own personality for many years, in order to one fine moment merge with his half, turning into a single being of an indefinite gender, repeating: “we do not like fast food”, “we do not like this car” and “we love spa.” reflection, separation is vital.
- Different interests. At the very beginning, in order to give the impression of an ideal person, we try to support the interests of our other half in every possible way, sometimes to our detriment. We run to the gym, skipping yoga class; we watch this ill-fated football, trying to understand what can be watched in it at all, if Beckham already has four children and a perfect wife; we cook dinner together, although we have never stood at the stove in our life; we go to some incomprehensible restaurant of author’s cuisine, although we have been dreaming of an offensive burger for a week. Sometimes it’s worth slowing down and realizing that there is no need to share all interests, and if everyone goes about their own business, this will not lead to the collapse of the relationship.
- Fear to get bored. There is a low self-esteem behind this fear, but in the context of relationships, fear can be a reliable assistant. If you spend all your free time together, watch the same TV shows, meet the same people, go to the same places, all topics of conversation will run out sooner or later. And at this moment, an insurmountable wall in the form of boredom will arise between partners. There is nothing worse than boredom in a relationship. The situation when a partner turns from a friend, interlocutor and lover into a very comfortable and familiar sofa is a point of no return, after which it almost never gets better. To avoid a painful breakup, routine and boredom, you need to at least occasionally rest from each other and spend time separately.
Unfortunately, the desire to distance yourself is not always caused by objective reasons. Sometimes, after the first wave of feelings subsided, people notice that they are completely unsuitable for each other, their views on life are strikingly different, and spending time together turns into a living hell. In such a situation, no amount of rest will help. The only way out is to leave and never turn around.
HOW TO DISTINGUISH THE DESIRE TO TAKE A BREAK FROM EACH OTHER FROM THE DESIRE TO LEAVE
The situation in a relationship can be complicated when one of the partners shows unusual coldness, while the other still does not think of life away from his half. How to understand when a partner needs more space, and when it is worth letting go of him altogether.
In order to understand that in a relationship you need not just to rest from each other, but already there are no relationships, you should pay attention to the following signs:
- The partner drastically changed his communication style. If at the very beginning there were fiery speeches and confessions worse than Shakespeare’s, and now drought or neglect is on the front line, it is worth considering. Of course, the tenseness may subside, but the cardinal change should alert.
- Body language has changed. The body never lies, unless the partner worked in foreign intelligence. Attempts to avoid eye contact, twitching your hand, or involuntarily wanting to increase distance are signs that your partner no longer wants a relationship.
- Wasted free time for meetings. If before there was always free time to say good morning, call in the middle of the day to just ask “how are you”, and after work stop by and have dinner together, but now project after project, there is always no time, meeting, report, feed the cat and water the artificial cactus second cousin, then it’s time to end the relationship.
For those who really have feelings, it is important to know how their loved ones live, they do not look for excuses for not wanting to meet, and even after a very difficult day they rush through half the city if a loved one needs help. This applies not only to love, but also to friendship. When care and warmth leave the relationship, they can no longer be saved.
However, there is good news: if none of the symptoms appear, then the patient is more likely to be alive than dead, and all the relationship needs is a little (preferably a lot, of course) good sex and very little personal space.