Relationships: why do some people hide their true self in a relationship?

a couple in a relationship

If one is in a relationship, it could show that they are with someone with whom they share every part of their being. This means that they will talk about what is happening in their mind, reveal what is happening in their heart and share their body.

As a result of this, every part of them will usually show up when they are with this person. Therefore, when they are around this person, it will be normal for them to feel seen, listened to and connected.

Two parts

There are likely to be at least two reasons why they are able to fully show yourself around this person. First, they will feel safe enough around this person to be themselves and, secondly, they will feel comfortable in their own skin.

Therefore, while the first part is important, it is not as important as the second part. If the second part were not in place, they would not feel safe enough to show themselves fully around this person, which would have prevented them from developing a relationship with them.

The main part

With this in mind, the connection that one has with one’s being will be what will allow them to connect deeply with another being. One will feel comfortable with their feelings and who they are, allowing them to feel comfortable enough to share their feelings and themselves with their partner.

One way of looking at this would be to say that you will be intimate with yourself and this is why they can be intimate with one another. Their partner is unlikely to be different in this regard.

Without alternatives

Now, this will mean that one will be vulnerable, as will their partner, but this is only part of what it takes to have a satisfying relationship. The other option would be for them to hide parts of themselves, but this will not allow them to experience a deep connection with another person.

One at hand, this will trust and, from another, take the inner strength. Trust will allow them to take the first step and inner strength will give them the conviction that they will be able to manage what happens if this is not the case.

The standard

If one were to look back at one’s life, they could see that this is generally how their relationships were. Fortunately, they won’t have to hide who they are around people in their lives.

One might find it difficult to understand why another person would hide from others. If they imagined themselves living this way, it could be like living in an invisible prison.

A different reality

However, although this is how some people experience life, it is likely that there are many others that do not. When this is the case, one will be in a relationship with someone, but their whole being will not show up.

So, they could share their mind and their body with them, yet it will go to the end. The emotional part of their being – the part that refers to what is really happening for them – will then be hidden.

A heavy burden

One will therefore be in a position where they have someone in their life, but they will not really be connected to them. Instead of being able to share how they feel and be supported, they will keep it to themselves.

Inside, it may seem that they are happy and all is well, but behind this mask they may feel depressed and even suicidal. Now this could be because their partner made it clear that they are not interested.

Together alone

Then again, they could wear this mask because they don’t feel comfortable with your feelings or who they are. From the moment they met their partner, one might have worn this mask.

The image they present to the world will have very little in common with what is happening within them. Not revealing who they are for their partner could mean that their relationship lacks depth and that they feel incredibly lonely.


The only way they will be able to truly connect to their partner – this is that if this person is able to experience a deeper connection at this stage of their life – it is if they are able to leave the role they are playing. When that happens, it will be human being, not human doing.

However, while wearing a mask it will prevent them from truly connecting to another person, it is likely to be what feels safe. Leaving this mask will not be seen as something that will benefit their lives; it can be seen as something that would make them reject and abandon.

Read here: Feeling lonely and sad: why this feeling and what to do?

A closer look

If they wore a mask for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years weren’t very nutritious. This may have been a time in their life when they suffered some form of abuse and / or abandonment.

What this would have done was to lead one to believe that there was something intrinsically wrong with their being, which is why they had to hide. The years will have passed, but the vision that has been created at this stage of their lives will continue to define their lives.


If you can connect to this and want to change your life, you may need external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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