We all need an answer that is free of direct blame or accusations. We, the victims, or survivors, do not need to be burdened with blame and self-flagellation. You may have noticed the presence of some of those around you in abusive relationships that deplete their psychological, spiritual, and physical energy.
And make them suffer on the psychological and physical level But you may feel surprised that they have continued in these abusive relationships. But they continue in these relationships in this way that is offensive to them because they are beneficiaries of these relationships.
What is the meaning of “victim”?
A victim is anyone who has been hurt, or who experiences violence or distress, and who is still experiencing harm or distress.
What is the meaning of “salvation”?
A survivor is anyone who has experienced harm, violence, or distress – such as war or a natural disaster. Then the causes of falling into harm are over, leaving the survivor to face the consequences of harm and distress – not the harm or distress itself.
The person responsible for the harm is the person “doing” the violence – whether it is verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual.
I will not call him the “abusive” person, because describing him as responsible indicates his actions and bears their consequences, regardless of his identity or appearance outside the destructive relationship.
Now we return to the answer to the question: Why do we continue in relationships that destroy us?
Why do some people continue to have abusive relationships?
There are several reasons behind their continuation in these relationships, including the following:
1- Excessive kindness in abusive relationships:
In an abusive relationship, the abusive party hurts the victim
Then he feels guilt and shame, and this prompts him to treat the victim with extra kindness
This makes the victim party enjoy this kindness, which makes him hopeful of changing the offending party
This is one of the biggest reasons that push people to continue in abusive relationships.
2- Financial fear in abusive relationships:
In an abusive relationship, the victim is afraid about money, as he has financial worries about the future
Which makes him refrain from leaving abusive relationships
He also feels helpless and helpless, which makes him refrain from trying to reach any solutions to his problems with the offending party
This makes the cycle of suffering continuous because he is submerged to his ears in his fears and financial anxiety.
3- The decreased sense of self-worth in abusive relationships:
In abusive relationships, the victim suffers from a decreased sense of self-worth
He suffers from his feeling of insignificance, so he feels that he does not deserve love from the other side
Therefore, he is afraid of his departure from this relationship, which drains his physical and psychological energy
Because he is afraid of not finding someone else to love
This is one of the very strong reasons that make people not free from these abusive relationships.
4- Feeling of fear and guilt in abusive relationships:
Abusive relationships are based on feelings of fear and guilt. These feelings are what create the relationship from its inception. It is these feelings that move the relationship along its path
Everyone in an abusive relationship feels fear. Therefore, one party intimidates the other party and threatens him with deprivation of money, children, or shelter. Someone in the relationship feels fear of losing things and people, so he falls prey to the threat of the offending party
Also, everyone in an abusive relationship feels guilty. The offending party feels guilt for the harm it committed against the other party. The victim also feels guilt for having said or done something that has upset the offending party
He thinks that he deserves to be treated badly by the other party, and therefore the cycle of abuse continues. Therefore, patience is necessary for the case and accept the form of the relationship with the partner. But it is also necessary to communicate with a family guide to help reach a healthy relationship with the other party